Lois and Moxie had a water cooler chat about Sunday night’s The Walking Dead, because they’re just SO MUCH to say. Obviously: Spoilers and salty language lie ahead. Join in with your thoughts on the mid-season finale in the comments.
Moxie: So, wonder of wonders, the show actually opened with not one but two PoC, and NEITHER of them died in the first 15 minutes.
Lois: UNTIL. Until until until…
Moxie: Until Black Prisoner died, but he was not new.
Lois: The gunshow where Oscar was just dropped, without any words or ceremony. BLAM! Goodbye! I’m not holding out much hope for our ladyfriend, because there can ONLY BE ONE at a time, and if that’s Tyrese, he’s going to stay for a while.
Moxie: But Yosemite Sam Moustache gets to stick around and scam on Carol.
Lois: Ugh and Luna Lovegood.
Moxie: Oh no, Black Lady With Great Hair HAS to bite it.
Lois: My skin started crawling.
Moxie: She is as good as dead.
Lois: Of course. Cause she’s going to call people out on their shit, and folks are probably shitting their pants at the thought of two Black women possibly running things and challenging Rick.
Moxie: We know Tyreese, and he’s an actor we’ve seen before. She isn’t. And Black folks are like the highlander of TWD, there can only be one. And Michonne is still with us, thank based god. Rick couldn’t handle it. Great Hair has the most sense we’ve seen, maybe, in the last 3 seasons of this show.
Lois: I’m hoping that the only reason Michonne hasn’t hightailed it out of there is that so she can slap the shit out of Rick for his “welcome”.
Moxie: Shocked she didn’t just leave everyone once they got to Toon Town this past episode. Because they were some ungrateful sourpusses, I tell you what.
Lois: Tyrese did not get off to a good start. If some punk ass ten-year old wearing a cowboy hat locked me in a jail cell, I’d throttle the fucker. Instead, he’s all, “Oh this is better than what we just had!” This could have been my imagination.
Moxie: Tyrese is on some new shit and I don’t know what to expect from him. Right now the bar is set pretty low and I am not interested in sacrificing Great Hair for his dumbass right now.
Lois: But did you take a good look at Michonne’s necklace? It looked like a tiny “A” charm. I’m wondering if Michonne is just really set on murdering the Gov (which she would have if not for a certain basic bitch), or if she wants to get Andrea out of there.
Moxie: I don’t know, I hope it’s the former. Because I’m sick of Andrea too. I don’t know how someone can be so dickmatized. Homegirl sees this man, surrounded by severed zombie heads, clutching his zombie daughter, and she still rushes to his side.
Moxie: And this is after a host of other foolishness perpetrated by him. How do you do this, Andrea?
Lois: I was really holding out for Andrea this season but she’s officially moved onto my shit list for all you care.
Moxie: Why did you raw dog it with Shane in that Ford Focus, ANDREA?! So many questions.
Lois: She’s no ride or die bitch. SHE’LL DUMP YOU FOR HER BOYFRIEND. Can we also talk about Andrea’s privilege?
Moxie:YES, because that’s all Andrea is, at the moment.
Lois: It’s been such an odd thing to see, after her and Michonne stepped into Woodbury. Of COURSE Andrea likes it. It’s a cozy life, and she’s pretty, and her real job is to sleep with the Gov and pretend to be a good soldier. She gets to pick and choose what she wants to do.
Moxie: Basically, and that’s what it was for her from day one, and it was never that for Michonne.
Lois: Meanwhile Michonne was probably picking up on some bad juju the moment she stepped foot there, what with Merle leering at her and the Gov’s KKK Speech a la Old Dominion.
Moxie: But somehow Andrea likes to think it was. And Michonne is at fault for rejecting it.
Lois: Of course it’s Michonne’s fault. Michonne won’t play nice and she got the Gov mad – obviously she fucked shit up.
Moxie: Which is also why I think they flipped the script on the attempted rape storyline. And had it happen to Maggie instead. Because she’d be “easier” to sympathize with.
Lois: Oh yeah. Attempted rape on a WOC? She was probably mouthing off and or “asking for it. “Although can I say? GLENN. Glenn, you beautiful human being!
Moxie: Right now the development of Glenn is the best thing to happen this season.
Lois: He’s so precious. I want to kiss his forehead. Who else can MacGuyver-kill a zombie? And then think to go bone collector? Damn.
Moxie: That macho man Bear Grylls swag he pulled, making bone weapons?! Yes ma’am. Glenn is That Dude. If you learn nothing else from TWD, you’ve learned that.
Lois: I thought it was a great nod to how resourceful and smart he was
Moxie: It’s exciting to see an Asian American man be portrayed as the realest dude on the block for a change.
Lois: He ran a lot of shit Season 1. Season 2 he was under the spell of potential vag. He’s getting his mojo back though, glad to see it.
Moxie: And putting it down in the boudoir/watchtower. Not mad. He has been running shit for a while, but now I’m glad it’s in the forefront.
Lois: Definitely. Rick isn’t really fit at the moment (or ever). Especially if that Shane hallucination was any indicator.
Moxie: Rick is teetering really close to a Taxi Driver style meltdown. He’s about to go Travis Bickle like his boy Shane.
Lois: Yeah. He’s barely holding it together.
Moxie: Truly he needs Glenn, Michonne, and Daryl the most.
Lois: He doesn’t appreciate Michonne – in fact his first encounter with her was outright RUDE.
Moxie: Rick doesn’t appreciate shit because he thinks he’s entitled to everything. The resources the 3 of them bring to the table are the foundations for a strong post apocalypse community.
Lois: Daryl is currently MIA and is a little shaken up due to Merle’s surfacing. So Glenn will have to pull through. Although Maggie’s REALLY grown on me.
Moxie: I really like Maggie now, I’m glad they made her a person. She basically took Andrea’s place, because Andrea is off being Carefree Andrea right now.
Lois: Wearing thong underwear, drinking sun tea, and pretending she’s a bad bitch when it was really Michonne that kept her alive during the winter. Maggie is what Andrea COULD have been if Andrea wanted to be a team player.
Moxie: What everyone needs is for Great Hair to become a real character, but she’s too smart to stick around, let’s be real, she’s on the death train.
Lois: Yeah, this is unfortunate. I’ll pour one out for her. Although it’d be really really great if she stayed on.
Moxie: I hope Michonne and Maggie become best friends. And I hope Carl falls off a cliff into Mordor and takes his hat with him.
Lois: God, Carl is such a creep. Michonne and Maggie can become BFF and basically run shit together. I bet Maggie would be down. Although it looks like Andrea’s going to try to go in on some mole shit for the Gov. Like I said, she is not a ride or die bitch. Nuh uh.
Moxie: Andrea needs to go on to glory to that giant Chicos in the sky.
Lois: And wear floodwater pants.
Moxie: All of her fave things to do.
Lois: I wonder if Michonne and Andrea will have another face off soon. I certainly wouldn’t blame Michonne if she ripped out a track or two from Andrea’s head.
Moxie: I wish Michonne would slap Andrea’s eyebrows off. Speaking of speculation: I am putting Michonne/Daryl out to the universe.
Moxie: She saves his life, kills the governor, and then they bone
Lois: I’m a little pissed at Daryl’s underwhelming reception of Michonne. Like, why didn’t he immediately fall in love with her? WHY?
Moxie: Peep that boner he got when she killed that woods dwelling man though. He knows whats up.
Lois: And with Tyrese around, I’m not so sure if they’re going to happen.
Moxie: He needs to stop trying to deny what’s real.
Lois: Leave Activia? I should hope so! Not gonna lie though, if Michonne and Glenn were to run off together I wouldn’t cry about it.
Moxie: I would not be mad. Maggie could go too if she keeps it up. And man, bump Activia. I like Carol and all whatever but I am still not over her period of foolery and that damn dumbass daughter she raised.
Lois: Oh Carol. What are we going to do with you? I thought people liked the two of them cause she made Daryl “human”
Moxie: But now we potentially have to deal with a Tyrese/Carol/Michonne triangle.
Lois: Oh yes that triangle. That’s actually canon so it’s very possible.
Lois: Although the Carol/Daryl has been really heavy handed.
Moxie: But I don’t want to deal with it. That mess what shoehorned in and the only reason it has depth is because those two actors are so good. When would that relationship make sense, ever?
Lois: Most definitely. I’m still side eyeing that “Cherokee Rose” shit. In the zombie apocalypse where anything goes, even thong underwear.
Moxie: I do NOT remember that…
Lois: It was right after Andrea banged uglies with the Gov and she was shimmying into her pants. She was wearing a white tho-tho-tho-thong-thong.
Moxie: OK Andrea can get a yeast infection, see if I care. I mean this Cherokee Rose mess
Lois: OH. When they wasted 2/3 of the season looking for Sophia. Remember Daryl gave Carol some sort of white rose and said that it was tied to Native Americans and how it would bloom along their trail because they were sad due to their missing children?
Lois: Yeahhhh. That one.
Moxie: Ugh Daryl why couldn’t you just give her a locket made of ears or something, Jesus.
Lois: HE’S SAVING THAT FOR MICHONNE, OKAY? She’d appreciate it. Carol would probably make him take a bath or something impossible.
Moxie: CAROL, You’re not my real dad! For real though, Michonne and Daryl are meant to be.
Lois: I hope so.
Moxie: They could totally collect ears together
Lois: We’ll have to wait til Feb though. WHOMP WHOMP.
Moxie: I don’t know, it makes sense so it means it will never happen.
Lois: Most likely. We’ll end up with some bullshit crack pairing. SO! Let’s talk what we hope to see come February and the season resumes. (Aside from Michonne and Daryl.)
Moxie: Obviously, I want someone to go in on Rick. He needs his ass handed to him. They are introducing too many new characters that are just letting him do what he wants and it’s silly.
Lois: Yes. He self appointed himself leader and martyr and he’s frankly not in a good place. I’m hoping Michonne will let him have it. It also seems like Tyrese is still where Rick was (emotionally) during S1, so we’ll see if he becomes a hardened cynic too.
Moxie: That will be interesting, I think if Great Hair dies, that will be his turning point. I hope Carl evaporates.
Lois: Most likely. She’s probably somebody to him, after all. I’m going to keep my eyes on Yosemite Sam. Don’t trust him. Especially after the way he was eyeing Luna Lovegood.
Moxie: Yeah, there’s something not right with him, and now he’s the only prisoner left. I don’t see them keeping him around.
Lois: Yeah. I mean who knows what he was really in there for? But aside from Michonne/Daryl and Rick getting reamed, I also hope that Glenn takes more spotlight and possibly embarks on a bromance with Tyrese.
Moxie: That would be amazing IF Tyrese can get it together
Lois: I’m sure he will.
Moxie: I think Glenn and Great Hair could be bros because they’re both smart but 1) she’s gonna die 2) I don’t think people are ready for two young attractive people JUST being friends.
Lois: This is the school of hard knocks. I would SO ship it if she’d live, OMG. The relationship potentials on this show are endless.
Moxie: God it would be so beautiful. There is so much that could be!
Lois: Sister/Brother-Wives this shit, please.
Moxie: I mean the world has ended, the rules have changed.
Lois: Free love. It’ll be good for the collective human gene pool. Somehow.
Moxie: BUT NO BABIES…yet.
Lois: Oh goodness hopefully none. For a long, long time.
Moxie: They have to ride some of this Armageddon shit out before they start procreating.
Lois: But Glenn is smart. I bet he knows the rhythm method (is that what it’s called?)
Moxie: I think they call it that, I never went to Catholic school.
Lois: I’m not so sure either.
Moxie: I’m almost positive. I don’t know, they can do all kinds of freaky shit that doesn’t make a baby.
Lois: But if all else fails, I want all the PoC on this show to just flip the bird, and walk off into the sunset.
Moxie: YES PLEASE, THAT WOULD BE IDEAL
Lois: I like this spin-off a lot better already!
If I was one of those Aryan supremacist/separatist hunkering down in my weapons filled underground bunker I’d be jerking off to TWD nightly. What’s not to love?
The apocalypse comes true. No more big government. No more taxes. Actually I can see Repugs creaming themselves watching this show.
White men in charge. White men ultimately survive, I believe in the comic only Rick and the baby Jesus Carl are guaranteed to be left standing.
Only one living, breathing black man allowed at a time, no talking allowed unless spoken to.
Only one fully realized, developed female character allowed at one time and she has to be white. Michonne, meh, compare how her character is written to Maggie, who gets the back story, who gets more lines, more screen time, more everything? She’s nothing more than a cardboard hero right now. I am disgusted with these idiot writers.
Hi, I’m Merle and this is my other brother, Daryl- need I say more?